Out of fear of retribution towards not only myself, but my family, I wish to remain anonymous.
I am a critical care nurse, working in a large area hospital. I have almost 8 years of experience at the hospital where I work for the next couple months until I am put on an unpaid leave of absence until a time where I "choose" to get the COVID vaccine. The same shot that if I react to it, most won't believe that the reaction is from the shot. Where if I should die after it, life insurance may not pay. Where there is no liability to anyone for any sort of reaction.
I worked the COVID ICU for the first year of the pandemic. It was traumatizing; I will never be the same. I've fought to bring in families into the ICU so that their loved ones don't die alone. I've broken protocol in order to bring kids into see their dying parent. I've watched as patients have died alone, held countless hands and wiped so, so many tears. I've listened while grown men sobbed in my arms about how scared they were, how much they missed their families, and how much they regretted working so much. I've held iPads while loved ones said good-bye before the patient was put on a ventilator. I've made those hard calls, struggling to keep my voice straight as I've delivered the worst news that a family could hear. I've waded through policies that have changed daily. While wearing tattered and torn personal protective equipment. I've sweated for 12-, 16-hour days fully garbed up, not drinking water because that would mean having to take off my already worn mask and because I didn't have the time to go to the bathroom. I've skipped breaks, only stopping when I'm shaking with low blood sugar. I've trained staff from other areas to help in critical care, in order to take on more ICU patients than is really safe in a "team nursing" environment due to a shortage of critical care nursing staff. I waited while the COVID shot news started trickling out ... and watched and followed as vaccinations started rolling out.
I ended up working for a few months at a vaccination clinic, administering the COVID shot. After a while, a disturbing trend was noticed, and I really started paying attention. I started asking my patients if they had already had COVID. If they had already had COVID, I educated them all that they should expect to get sick, with COVID like symptoms after the first shot. (This was expected, per our instruction, as the immune system "kicked in and did what it was supposed to do.") If they hadn't had COVID, they might expect to get sick after the second shot. But as these people came back for their second shot, they started telling me stories about how they did with their first shot. I heard countless stories about emergency room visits, hospital stays. I heard about heart issues, stroke like symptoms, neurological issues. I heard about stillborn/miscarriages happening in abnormally high numbers. I heard about countless "coincidental" COVID positive tests after the first vaccine. When I asked these patients who had gone into the doctor for their post-shot medical issues, I asked if a VAERS report had been filled out. I asked if the doctor thought it was related to the shot. Every single one of them told me that the doctor told them that it was too hard to prove that it was a side effect from the shot, and that they could only say that it was a reaction if it happened right away rather than days later or within a couple weeks of the shot. Not one of them knew about a VAERS report being filled out. And not one of them filled out a report themselves. As nurses, we were never taught or told to fill out a VAERS report. In fact, the news is reporting that VAERS is not accurate, since "anyone" can fill out a report. This, after the VAERS reports were the gold standard for tracking vaccination reactions in all previous vaccines for the past almost 30 years.
I started asking all the women who came through my booth about their menses. All women, with the exception of 2, reported abnormalities with their menses. They reported bleeding post menopause, they reported no bleeding, they reported spotting, or heavy clotting where they had never had these issues before. They reported irregularities, and reported that many females around them were also having issues. I, myself, had issues. I have a condition where I bleed all the time — am supposed to get a hysterectomy per my doctor. I have never gone longer than 3 weeks in my entire life without bleeding. I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks of working at the clinic, and did not bleed again until 3 weeks after I left there. After these experiences, I cannot believe that the shot is not affecting fertility.
I had a young woman come in to the clinic for a shot, and she was visibly nervous; shaking, tears in her eyes. I sat her down and let her know that we were going to sit and chat about her feelings before going through with the shot. She worked for the same company as I do. She was feeling a huge amount of pressure from her coworkers to get vaccinated. And she was scared. She had been trying for 9 years to get pregnant, and thought that she might be in early stages of pregnancy. She had been hearing rumors of abnormally high numbers of miscarriages. We sat and talked. We talked about how if she was pregnant, it would be the most perfect gift that she had been waiting for. But that if she got vaccinated and ended up possibly having a miscarriage how she would blame herself, wondering if it was the shot that caused it. We talked about finding out if she was pregnant first, and then talking with her OB-GYN doctor prior to coming back. We talked about how she needed to get all the information first, and being 100% comfortable with the decision to get the shot so that she didn't ever need to regret her decision or feel pressured into a decision she wasn't ready for. She cried for a while. And she hugged me and thanked me. She left without a shot, but armed with the power to make her own choice. THIS is what nurses do. We help the patients make informed consent for medical procedures. We give information, and allow them to choose, regardless of our personal thoughts on the matter.
I got yelled at for not administering that shot. It had been noticed how long she was in my booth, and I was questioned about it. I was told that everyone came into the clinic for the shot, and that it was simply our job to administer the shot. Our goal, I was told, was to vaccinate everyone.
My co-worker’s husband died suddenly 2 weeks after getting the COVID shot. He was not even 50. His only medical issues were being over-weight and high blood pressure. They refused to do an autopsy when she requested one. They stated death was due to his weight and blood pressure.
Less than 40% of our ER staff has gotten the COVID shot. They have such a low vaccine rate due to what they have seen coming into the emergency room after getting the shot.
Since the mandate has come out at our facility, the attitudes of staff have been awful. Management has been turning this into a vaccinated vs. non-vaccinated battle. When really, it's not about the shot at all. It's about medical freedom. We should be trying to figure out how to best use our already short resources into taking care of as many sick patients as we can. We should be building each other up, supporting each other. We should be respecting our personal choices. We shouldn't even know the status of everyone's vaccination status — this is private health information. We've never known who has filed for exemptions before this! We have had no idea who is vaccinated with childhood shots and who is not. We have never bullied staff who chose not to get the flu shot. We have never said anything when those staff simply wore a mask to work all winter long. We have some units posting who is vaccinated and who is not on a public list. We have leaders pressuring staff to get the shot. We have staff telling others how selfish they are for not being vaccinated, that they need to look out for the "greater good." We have doctors telling staff and patients alike how they are uneducated for not already being vaccinated. We have a doctor who has stated on a podcast that if we are not vaccinated that we need to "rethink our career choice, that maybe we chose the wrong career." We had a doctor tell a mother that it was her fault that her child was hospitalized because she was too ignorant to get the shot. We have many staff saying that they don't want to take care of un-vaccinated patients that the ventilators should be saved for those who are vaccinated.
This, after we detox the same patient every couple weeks for years in a row, after we take care of drug addicts, patients from the prison, child molesters, overweight patients, smokers, non-compliant diabetics, and patients who refuse to follow the doctor's recommendations regarding medication and lifestyle. We were all taught to take care of all patients as if they were Christ in person, regardless of their life choices. This is not the same profession that I chose, that I studied for, that I fought for through school. There is not the same sense of pride that I have always felt in saying that I am a registered nurse. There should never be treatment without informed consent, without respect for personal choices. There should not be private health information as public knowledge. Our vaccinated status as health care workers does not affect our performance as nurses (especially when the vaccinated staff can pass on COVID as easily as the un-vaccinated staff). Yet we are being threatened, coerced, bullied into getting a shot in order to do the work that we were called to do, the work that we have been trained to do, the work that we know how to do. This, at a time when nurses are at an all-time shortage. When critical care nurses especially are so needed. When we've given our all for our patients, and our facilities for the past couple years.
No one should have a condition of employment be a shot without the ability for exemption. The only medical exemption allowed at the facility I work at is previous documented anaphylaxis to the COVID shot. Nothing else is accepted. They are not accepting conscientious exemptions (which is our legal right in Minnesota). They have also told us that it will be "very hard" to get a religious exemption, as from their perspective there are no documented religions against the COVID shot.
An example of why many nurses are not trusting the numbers or statistics published: our facility just this week published that 80% of our COVID patients hospitalized are not vaccinated. I checked within our system, and the numbers are run off a set of data that has 3 categories — vaccinated, non-vaccinated, and unknown. Unknown means that the patient was not vaccinated at our facility. It does not mean that they are not vaccinated. Yet all these patients were put into the not vaccinated numbers. Earlier this summer they published that 60% of the ICU COVID patients weren't vaccinated ... yet when checking the numbers, 5 out of the 9 total patients were not vaccinated. But 4 out of the 9 were vaccinated. While this percentage is roughly correct, it also sends fear by sounding like such a high number of sick patients that are not vaccinated.
Yes, our hospitals are full. Full of sick patients with worried families. Full of patients living with us while waiting for nursing homes to be able to take them. Yes, we have COVID patients as well. But we don't have enough staff. We had so many staff leave during the pandemic, unable to take the stress, unable to work with kids home, unable to work with the fear. We had staff leave for travel positions, where they are paid many times more to do the same work. Yet many of us have stayed to take care of the patients in our home communities. And we are very worried about how the health care system is going to function if any more staff leave. Who will take care of the patients? Who will run these hospitals? Who's going to be there when your loved one gets sick? When my loved one gets sick?
There is something very wrong with what is going on. The public needs to hear our voices.